Dating Advice 101: Finding the Fairy Tale

Relationship counseling is better than a dating site!! I will help you find the BEST person for you by helping you understand you.  We will explore who you are, what you want in a relationship and how your previous experiences imprint your decisions now. This is the dating advice you have been looking for!

 

You can then use the information from our counseling to meet someone online that fits what you want in a new relationship. In fact, I will even help you write a dynamic profile for the online dating sites, assuring that you draw in a better mix of people that suit you.

 

Here’s the work:

One of my clients pushed hard to stop dating a very nice man, one who treated her better than anyone else had. I pushed back saying that she should stay a little while longer. He remained patient as she tried to figure out if he was the right person.  Finally, she realized that he was the one she wanted to share her stories with at the end of the day. Once she realized that she looked forward to seeing him and talking with him, she knew he was the right fit for her. They have recently moved in together with the goal of marriage. To find the right relationship, you often have to learn to be patient and not expect sparks to fly suddenly.

 

That is what fairy tales are about! I will help you find your real-life fairy tale romance

 

Relationship Advice: Improve Your Dating


As I work with my clients, I help  them find and revel their true  selves. During this process, they become able to clarify and embrace  their goals for both personal and  professional lives and make those  “changes” that support their search  for a partner who fits best with their  lifestyle.

 
“Susan” came to me trying to understand why she just couldn’t find a man who would be stable enough to continue a relationship. As we talked, it became apparent that she was choosing the same type of person time and time again without realizing it. They all had different degrees of personality, education, and career, but, ultimately,  none of those men could sustain the early weeks/months of “ behaving well”, so to speak.
 
Susan began to look at her history and reasons why she chose the men she did. We worked to create a profile for her and the man she hoped was out there for her. Not an “online profile” but rather a personal inventory of who she is, what she wanted in life and future goals.
 
It became clear that she sought out men who did not fit her “ personal inventory and dreams”. Once she began narrowing down the type of person she really wanted, she found someone! Her new boyfriend is a better fit better than anyone she previously dated. The result is that Susan is happier because her needs are being met. Together, we continue to focus on what is different this time around.
 
Having that clear vision helps.  Self-discovery is an eye-opening experience, and the rewards are great.
 
The service I provide helps you to figure out what has worked or not worked, who you are, what you want out of life, what your values are, and what you future goals are. Sometimes this also includes financial goals, and if you chose someone with different financial habits, you might find yourself extremely frustrated. 
 
I see many people hanging onto unfulfilling relationships only to experience anger, anxiety and frustrations.
 
As a relationship consultant, who also happens to be a licensed clinical therapist, we will talk through six major points that influence your relationships.
 
Expectations, what are yours, and your partner?
Understanding yourself and who your partner is, is an important factor healthy relationship. We must remember there are differences in outlooks, gender influences and the realization that both our families and our upbringings have had a huge influence on our outlooks on life and relationships. 
 
My relationship counseling will help you understand yourself so that you can pick the right person. Developing the skills to a build healthy relationship is not uncommon. Most of us learned by watching our parents’ or parent’s relationship(s), so we may have seen the red flags, but ignored them. But, by really getting to know yourself you learn to identify the red flags and not ignore them!  I will give you the tools to help you see a positive future, take chances, move forward, and let go of the past.
 
Please feel free to comment, or ask me questions. 
I’m passionate about helping people find a better way to a satisfying and happy future. See you soon!

Honesty in Dating: Relationship Advice

 

When you are dating, it can be tempting to want to stretch the truth. Whatever you are insecure about, like your age or your weight, will be the things that you want to cover up. You are not alone.

In fact, 81 percent of people that do online dating, misrepresent their height, weight or age in their profiles, according to a recent study at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. We do this even though we know that honesty is one of the most important values in a long-term relationship. It can make or break a relationship as it establishes trust in one another. Trust and honesty go hand in hand. And they are not just things you should sometimes do in a relationship, but the things you should always do.

To be honest with yourself, you have to think about what you want to lie about in your dating and why. There is strength in being vulnerable and showing who you are. It makes dating more fun and relaxed when you can be yourself without worry or pretense. In the long run, don’t you want a person that you can relax around, a person that accepts and loves the unique being that your are and a person that you can be honest with?

To be honest with another individual, you must be honest with yourself about who you are and what type of person fits you best. Making peace with the past helps. Feeling that you are strong from your past and healed from your wounds helps when you are meeting a new person to bring into your life.

To be real, ask questions when you are dating. Be bold in the adventure of getting to know someone new and learning about their lives. Yes, this is going to bring more questions about your life too. Good! Share with courage knowing that you are honest, and that will lead to somewhere special.

And if, in your dating journey, there are people that reject the “real” you, shift your thinking. This is a good outcome and a huge time saver! Honesty is your game changer. It allows you to create the life you want and bring in people that reflect the same. I encourage you to be bold in who you are. There are billions of people on this planet, and the truth will help you find the one that matches fits into your life.

Dating Again: What do you want to do differently?

No matter what age, dating after being in a long-term relationship can feel like a huge adventure requiring heroism and bravery, much like if you were to repel on a zip line across the Costa Rican jungle. There is this moment when you are about to repel across where the stomach quivers, the mind doubts and, for a second, you think of bolting back to the beach. But if you secure your harness and choose to go for it, the results can be exhilarating.

 

Much like dating again, scary but with the potential to propel you towards more happiness than you could ever imagine.

The big question when you are dating again is “What do you want to do differently this time????”

Each person is going to have different answers and will really need to assess their behaviors and how that impacts dating and ultimately their next relationship.

 

If you are new to the scene and have been in a long term relationship, I highly advise seeking counseling if you have not already. Sitting with a professional will help you in answering the question above. You will get some guidance on how to peer into your past and use it as information on how to build your new future. I have a 6 point system that I use when meeting with clients who are ready (or not sure if they are ready yet) for dating.

Joyful Dating Program

When you address these six topics with honesty, you will set the course for a new journey into love and romance that may be more rewarding than expected.

6 week coaching program is in-office or via Skype. Call me at 813-431-0797 for free consultation.

Understanding YOU Leads to Better Relationships

WHO ARE YOU??? Understanding YOU Leads to Better Relationships

 

We typically want to answer this with a label such as… “I am a mom” or “I am a hard worker”, but knowing yourself requires digging past the labels. Knowing yourself means that you understand how you live your life each moment.

 

It means knowing how the past is clinging to you right now intruding into your perceptions and judgements. Some of the labels you might put on yourself could be based on what someone from your past thought of you, not even anything to do with who you really are today.

 

Not only do you have to look at the past, but you also need to see how worrying about the future is imprinted into your decision making right now. Chronic fear and doubt about the future can self-sabotage your happiness today.

 

When you look deep into the question of who you are, it is easy to see how your thoughts on YOU are going to have huge effect on your dating life and the type of relationships you will have.

 

When you know yourself better, you find people that fit with the true YOU better. You find people that hold similar values, beliefs and interests. You also start to see where your own habits of self-sabotage or these cycles of past/future permeate your life and can be detrimental to your happiness in a relationship.

 

To know yourself means being confident enough to see your faults with a sense of honesty and maybe even a bit of humor. Once you know yourself better, you may need to say sorry more often or listen to others with more attention. But the more you understand who you are, the more you establish self-trust. You KNOW Yourself.

 

This self-trust starts to guide you in relationships. You know what you can do, what adventures to take, when you need rest, when you need alone time, and you know when you are in love. Knowing yourself and trusting yourself is the key to successful relationships and long-term happiness.

 

How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day Without a Partner

 

How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day Without a Partner

Valentine’s Day is often looked at as the holiday for dating. Restaurants want you to dine with them on their special menu, romantic comedies premiere, and it can seem like everyone is planning out their day of love.

Valentine’s Day is often looked at as the holiday for dating. Restaurants want you to dine with them on their special menu, romantic comedies premiere, and it can seem like everyone is planning out their day of love.

 But what to do if you are single?

Do you pine away, hoping someone, anyone, will ask you out so that you too can experience the joy of a Valentine’s Day date? Think about it…is this what you want? A date with any Joe Schmoe or Jane Doe can easily become a qualifier for an “America’s Worst Dates” show and seem like the longest night of your life.

 

Instead, think about how great it is that you are in charge of your date with yourself. You don’t have to sit anywhere and pretend to enjoy someone’s conversation. You can do whatever you want to do. What do you want to do- what makes you happy??? Valentine’s Day is your day to shower yourself some self-love. Do you love flowers? Buy yourself some! I guarantee you will still love to see those flowers on your dining room table even if they didn’t come from a date.

 

Being content can be a product of perception. This Valentine’s Day, begin with feeling content by thinking of three things that you are grateful for and writing them down. Then start the pampering process! A walk through a museum or outside in nature can be deeply soothing and supportive to the bio-rhythms we experience when we feel loved.

 

Call a friend that you haven’t spoken to in a while. Or volunteer somewhere for a few hours. Helping others is one of the best ways to increase your happiness.

 

The point is to celebrate!

Plan out your day so that you honor yourself with a sense of love and appreciation. Your self-worth is not linked in any way to having a date. But self-worth is linked to how well we care for ourselves. As John Lennon said,, “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”

 

Love yourself first and enjoy your very special, totally self-guided Valentine’s Day!

 

Why You Need to Feel Again: Relationship Advice for the New Year

Human beings are hard-wired to “feel”. We need to touch, talk and connect with each other to maintain optimal health, both physical health and mental health. In fact, if babies do not get enough cuddling and love within their first year of life, it affects the development of their brain growth.

Feelings are natural, and yet complex. To feel emotions requires a “give and take”. Sometimes it hurts to feel something. Sometimes it takes great courage to feel and to express what we feel. Sometimes others do not reciprocate our feeling, and that hurts.

To avoid feeling emotions that cause discomfort, we may begin to create barriers for ourselves. For example, we may not talk about our emotions, or be as tender with our loved ones, or we avoid intimacy in a number of other ways.

When we block ourselves from feeling; we are also limiting our ability to feel positive emotions, like joy and happiness. While at first it may seem scary to be so open, but allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable and then honestly evaluating our faults, fears, weaknesses, can offer true liberation.

The Law of Attraction states that what you give out is what you get back. So if you act reserved and closed off, others will mimic that energy. So let the walls crumble, and let your authentic self shine, and others will do the same.

Drugs and alcohol are another way people numb themselves from feeling and fool themselves into thinking this kind of connection is authentic. When you start to accept and understand your feelings, the desire to numb is diminished. Instead, you want to enjoy every blessed moment you have on this planet.

If you don’t even know where to begin to connect with feelings again, I can help. If you have been finding relationships never seem to work out for you, this might the reason. If your conversations with others always seem shallow, I can help. If drugs or alcohol usage is interfering with your life, I can help.

Don’t let another year pass where you hide away. Step into the world and FEEL again. You might get hurt, yes. But you will allow yourself to feel the wonder of closeness, joy and love in a way that nourishes you in every way.

Tips to Fight Holiday Loneliness

STORIES

Tips to Fight Holiday Loneliness

Tips to Fight Holiday Loneliness

HOW TO THRIVE WHEN YOU ARE SINGLE FOR THE HOLIDAYS

After a break-up, there is always that first holiday season faced being on your own. Depending on your situation, there might be a feeling of liberation. But for many people, being alone on the holidays can bring out feelings of loneliness, anxiety and even depression. When we think of the holidays, we often think of being surrounded with others. You may have memories of holidays spent with a partner, recalling the joy of gift giving or shopping together.

I know my first holiday season after my divorce was rough. I felt like I was on uneven ground, not sure how to approach a season that had always been defined by being a family unit. Over the years, it got better, and I realized that I got to make the holiday exactly how I wanted it to be. It felt good to be the decision maker.

I made it through that first holiday season on my own and you can too. Here are some broad tips for being single and loving it:

1. Create a new “family” tradition.

Family doesn’t have to be a traditional structure. Family can consist of good friends and people that you love. Spend the holidays with them and don’t wait for the invite, ask. Most people will love to have you.

2. Help others

Nothing is more grounding than helping people in the community. If you have a service, provide it for free to someone that couldn’t normally afford it. Help at a food bank or something that appeals you. You will be surprised at how energized the body and mind feel after being generous with others.

3. Focus on the positive.

Notice your tendencies and when you feel out of alignment with “joy”. You can change your interactions with others by slowing down. You can even change your interactions just by focusing on the good and positive. Do more of the good and positive.

4. Be moderate.

Your enjoyment of the season is just as important as everyone else’s. Make sure you are not overdoing it just to mask the loneliness or depression you feel.

5. Get outside

We tend to spend a lot of time indoors this time of year with shopping and eating. Even if your area of the country is cold, bundle up and get some fresh air. Go for a walk and contemplate the beauty of your surroundings. A guided hike is a great way to meet other people, too. Or really go for the great outdoors and plan a solo trip- there are tons of group travel options where you could meet other people like on a yoga retreat.

Just because you are single, does not mean you have to lonely. There are so many ways to get involved and connect with others during the holidays. And there are so many people in your community that could benefit from your help. Get involved, connect with others and watch how love can grow within you.

Change Your Expectations: Real World Relationship Advice

Change Your Expectations: Real World Relationship AdviceFAIRY

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
If you are dating or looking to get back in the dating scene, then you may think you already have an idea of an ideal mate.

Does this person have to be a certain height, weight and age? Have a certain hair color and income level? Do you want them to live in a certain neighborhood or drive a specific type of car?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions then you have eliminated all the amazing people that don’t measure up to your idea of perfection. Studies show that income and good looks do not have any relevance in lasting relationships. What matters to long-term success in a relationship is that you find a partner that has similar values to you and is nice. And they have to be available. Don’t put your self-worth so low that you reach for a partner that who is unavailable and married.

Instead, look for someone that is nice and nurtures what is already amazing about you. Stop looking for perfect…it does not exist. Psychological studies show that it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you are fancy someone- and that this decision is based primarily based on body language and the tone and speed of their voice. So you may be missing out on a perfectly complimentary partner based on the way they say hello, not to mention the expectations you have already formed about your perfect “soul mate.”

Let’s discuss changing your expectations, not lowering them, but changing them. I think you may find that there are plenty of available partners out there that are just right for you. Hopefully, you will begin to see that having quality people in your life, people that are kind, loyal, loving and attentive… are the kind of people that make and ideal soul mate.

Marry Him, by Lori Gottlieb explores the idea that “settling” for a life with someone who fulfills what you “need” (i.e., kindness, loyalty and love) is far more fulfilling than falling for a type. Discovering a life with a person who will bring you soup when you are sick and who is faithful and trustworthy, ultimately creates a life that is fulfilling and nurturing to your soul. Guess what? More than likely if you pick the “bad boy” for the excitement, he is going to get bored with you, and find something or someone else to entertain him.

There is nothing boring about stability and trust. You might just find true lasting love once you change your expectations.

My therapy sessions can help you find and define what you need. Rather than settling for what society has taught is important in a relationship.

Relationship Coaching, Tampa Florida

Get in touch with Robin your dating coach!