As I work with my clients, I help them find and revel their true selves. During this process, they become able to clarify and embrace their goals for both personal and professional lives and make those “changes” that support their search for a partner who fits best with their lifestyle.
When you are dating, it can be tempting to want to stretch the truth. Whatever you are insecure about, like your age or your weight, will be the things that you want to cover up. You are not alone.
In fact, 81 percent of people that do online dating, misrepresent their height, weight or age in their profiles, according to a recent study at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. We do this even though we know that honesty is one of the most important values in a long-term relationship. It can make or break a relationship as it establishes trust in one another. Trust and honesty go hand in hand. And they are not just things you should sometimes do in a relationship, but the things you should always do.
To be honest with yourself, you have to think about what you want to lie about in your dating and why. There is strength in being vulnerable and showing who you are. It makes dating more fun and relaxed when you can be yourself without worry or pretense. In the long run, don’t you want a person that you can relax around, a person that accepts and loves the unique being that your are and a person that you can be honest with?
To be honest with another individual, you must be honest with yourself about who you are and what type of person fits you best. Making peace with the past helps. Feeling that you are strong from your past and healed from your wounds helps when you are meeting a new person to bring into your life.
To be real, ask questions when you are dating. Be bold in the adventure of getting to know someone new and learning about their lives. Yes, this is going to bring more questions about your life too. Good! Share with courage knowing that you are honest, and that will lead to somewhere special.
And if, in your dating journey, there are people that reject the “real” you, shift your thinking. This is a good outcome and a huge time saver! Honesty is your game changer. It allows you to create the life you want and bring in people that reflect the same. I encourage you to be bold in who you are. There are billions of people on this planet, and the truth will help you find the one that matches fits into your life.
No matter what age, dating after being in a long-term relationship can feel like a huge adventure requiring heroism and bravery, much like if you were to repel on a zip line across the Costa Rican jungle. There is this moment when you are about to repel across where the stomach quivers, the mind doubts and, for a second, you think of bolting back to the beach. But if you secure your harness and choose to go for it, the results can be exhilarating.
Much like dating again, scary but with the potential to propel you towards more happiness than you could ever imagine.
The big question when you are dating again is “What do you want to do differently this time????”
Each person is going to have different answers and will really need to assess their behaviors and how that impacts dating and ultimately their next relationship.
If you are new to the scene and have been in a long term relationship, I highly advise seeking counseling if you have not already. Sitting with a professional will help you in answering the question above. You will get some guidance on how to peer into your past and use it as information on how to build your new future. I have a 6 point system that I use when meeting with clients who are ready (or not sure if they are ready yet) for dating.
When you address these six topics with honesty, you will set the course for a new journey into love and romance that may be more rewarding than expected.
6 week coaching program is in-office or via Skype. Call me at 813-431-0797 for free consultation.
WHO ARE YOU??? Understanding YOU Leads to Better Relationships
We typically want to answer this with a label such as… “I am a mom” or “I am a hard worker”, but knowing yourself requires digging past the labels. Knowing yourself means that you understand how you live your life each moment.
It means knowing how the past is clinging to you right now intruding into your perceptions and judgements. Some of the labels you might put on yourself could be based on what someone from your past thought of you, not even anything to do with who you really are today.
Not only do you have to look at the past, but you also need to see how worrying about the future is imprinted into your decision making right now. Chronic fear and doubt about the future can self-sabotage your happiness today.
When you look deep into the question of who you are, it is easy to see how your thoughts on YOU are going to have huge effect on your dating life and the type of relationships you will have.
When you know yourself better, you find people that fit with the true YOU better. You find people that hold similar values, beliefs and interests. You also start to see where your own habits of self-sabotage or these cycles of past/future permeate your life and can be detrimental to your happiness in a relationship.
To know yourself means being confident enough to see your faults with a sense of honesty and maybe even a bit of humor. Once you know yourself better, you may need to say sorry more often or listen to others with more attention. But the more you understand who you are, the more you establish self-trust. You KNOW Yourself.
This self-trust starts to guide you in relationships. You know what you can do, what adventures to take, when you need rest, when you need alone time, and you know when you are in love. Knowing yourself and trusting yourself is the key to successful relationships and long-term happiness.